4 habits of parents inadvertently make their children grow up shy and self-deprecating

Feeling safe is an important psychological need, a basic factor forming a child’s personality when growing up. The expression of a child who has lost a sense of security is always feeling inferior and worried, and negative emotions often appear in their thoughts. For older children, once they lose their sense of security, it can have lifelong psychological effects.

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Parents have the following 4 habits for their children – familiar habits in daily life, which will silently affect the child’s sense of security. Over time, children become self-deprecating, shy, and may even suffer from depression that is difficult for parents to detect.

1. Parents rarely communicate with their children

In a modern society with an increasingly fast-paced life, many parents are busy with work and housework, and hardly have any free time to spend with their children. Communication between parents and children has also become a luxury.

Most of the content in everyday parent-child conversations is just sayings to test learning. “Have you done your homework?”, “How did you do your test today?”,…

“I’ve grown up and can take care of myself, I don’t need to worry too much”, that’s the view of some parents in today’s life.

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No matter how busy the work is, parents should catch up with their children’s thoughts and aspirations in time, spend time talking and expressing love to their children more, so that they do not feel lonely. After all, parents are the child’s first best friend as well as the person they trust the most.

If the parents are divorced, and the child lives with the parent, then when the child is with the child, the father and mother should also interact more with each other, so that the child does not suffer psychological damage because of family events. In important learning stages such as exams and tests, the dialogue between parents and children is not only limited to learning, but also gives encouraging and loving sentences so that children feel that their parents are always there. beside them overcome this period of pressure.

It can be said that parents are the ones who create trust for their children through intimate conversations. Without trust, the child’s sense of security is of course gone.

2. Parents raise their children to yell and threaten

Improper education is the main reason that affects children’s sense of security. When children disobey, parents often use methods of intimidation, scolding to educate their children, because these methods often bring immediate results.

Coaxing with “lies” or threats are frequently used ways to get children to obey. For example, children do not obey, insist on going out, parents can not convince children, they will say to children: “There is a boggart outside, if you go out there, you will be eaten”.

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A child who is “cheated” and threatened by their parents, how can they feel safe? Even when the child grows up and knows that what his parents say is wrong, he still feels “the world is full of lies and scary”.

Parents should not think that the method of teaching in the style of scolding and threatening can help children practice independence and courage. In fact, this type of education easily makes children feel insecure, which is extremely harmful to their psychological development.

3. Parents have too high expectations for their children

Expectations of children are good, but parents expect too much of their children will increase the pressure on children. Many parents think that this method will make their children try harder, but in reality, children just feel and stressed, afraid of not meeting their parents’ expectations.

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When their children do not achieve the same results as their peers, parents are often frustrated and constantly compare their children to others. This brings a sense of low self-esteem for the child, he feels useless, lives in retreat and has since been separated from his parents.

Therefore, parents, instead of placing too high expectations on their children, encourage, motivate and give them more confidence to promote their strengths.

4. Parents quarrel and vent their anger on their children

Parents who often complain and complain about an unhappy life, a job problem, complain about poverty, or vent their anger on their children because of a quarrel between spouses is one of the reasons why children lose their sense of belonging. safe. In fact, a parent’s negative emotions and anxiety can be passed on to the child. With an unstable and immature psyche, this will make children worry, fear, and feel insecure.

Parents’ marital relationship or family economic situation have a direct impact on a child’s sense of security. Parents should not be worried about the economy in front of their children because they are not yet able to understand everything.

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Children who live in a warm family with happy and loving parents will form a happy, loving, confident, and confident child.

Children cannot understand adults, and adults cannot understand children. So, when anything happens, sharing feelings gently and sincerely is always the best way for parents and children to understand each other better and connect emotionally. When you become a true friend of your child, it will be easier for you to advise your child, and it will be easier for your child to listen to and follow your advice.

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