As a parent, certainly no one wants to see their child become a bully, even more unbearable once a child becomes a victim of bullying. To avoid children falling into this situation, in addition to always loving and caring, timely detection and reasonable handling of the situation is extremely important.
A mother in Anhui (China) recently shared her child’s story: One day, she accidentally knew her daughter’s “secret”. Recently the child often plays the game “cats and owners” at school. Her daughter will be the “cat” and at least 7 or 8 classmates will be the “owner” of the child.
Every day during school hours, the child must obey the “master’s” arrangement unconditionally, such as: The owner asks to drink water, the child will drink water; the owner told me to cheat; tell me to chase and beat other classmates, I have to follow…
The mother was shocked, she did not think that the environment of elementary school students had become so complicated. She was even more scared when she thought, what if the “owner” asked the child to do things that were dangerous to the classmates and the child himself?
The reason revealed from the short conversation
The mother carefully said to her daughter: “You are your own owner, even parents can only give you advice, no one can command you.” However, the child didn’t seem to mind a single word.
Angry mother: “What if the owner asks me to rob other classmates? Are you listening too?”.
At this point, the child was really confused, burst into tears and replied to his mother: “Mom, I really don’t know what to do. If I don’t join the game, my friends will boycott and not let the whole class play with me.”
The mother took a deep breath. Obviously, the child knows that “robbing” is illegal, but once the “owner” gives the order, he certainly doesn’t dare refuse! This perception frightens the mother. Turns out, under this “unequal game”, the real reason why her daughter didn’t dare to say “no” was fear of isolation, without friends.
“As parents, we always educate our children not to bully others, nor are they afraid of being bullied, parents will always stand behind their children. But unbelievably, the school’s ‘bullying’ penetrates again. into the game in such a mischievous way.
My wife and I agree that the matter should be reported to the teacher, but we both know that the first key point to deal with is with our child. I think I’m not good enough to have friends, have to engage players in a way that ‘pleases’ others”the mother shared.
Two things mothers say to their children
1. You are so good, you don’t have to change yourself to please others
In fact, when she heard her daughter say that she was “the owner’s cat”, the mother was very angry and wanted to question her: “Why are you naughty and disobedient in front of your parents, but on the outside you’re as shy as a worm?” But now that I think about it, I should not criticize at this time, but firmly stand behind me and tell me: I did nothing wrong. The wrong person is the one who bullies others.
She and her husband searched a lot of real bullying cases.
“For example, actress Liu Yifei is called a fairy by billions of thousands of people, but while studying in the US, even if she just sat still, people would grab her hair and draw graffiti on her body because she was so beautiful. Or like Ton Diec Dinh, an 8-year-old child prodigy who participated in ‘The Ultimate Brain Power’ was also bullied a lot: Being strangled by a classmate; robbing school supplies, only 100 pencils were lost. It’s also hard to believe, just because the boy is always praised by the teacher.”the mother shared.
When the daughter heard these stories, she was surprised: “Mom, are they so good they still be looked down upon?”.
The mother said to her daughter: “You may think that you are not loved by your friends because you are not good enough. But no! You see, Liu Yifei is so beautiful, Sun Yixing is so excellent, so many people like her, also Some people don’t like it, this is normal.
From my point of view, you are kind, polite, the people who like you are friends. Those who don’t want to be friends with you, it’s because they didn’t find your good points. We don’t need to change their minds, we’ll do just fine being ourselves.”
2. Everyone has the right to choose their friends, but isolating and bullying others is wrong
“Isolating and bullying classmates, is like running a red light, whatever the reason, it’s not right, we must stop it from the beginning. If it can’t be, you will have to ask the teacher for help. and parents immediately”, said the mother. The mother then told her child a few specific stories about the consequences of hiding the bullying.
At this, the little girl finally nodded, agreeing to let her mother talk about this to the teacher. Fortunately, teachers take this issue very seriously. With the teacher’s help, the child has since never played the “cat and owner” game again. I’m not isolated either, so I’m very happy.
“Of course, this gave me a great warning. In addition to studying, I also started teaching my daughter to socialize. I often take the initiative to invite my daughter’s classmates to my house to play, or organize travel activities to invite them to participate. One is to help girls make more friends; Second, instruct your daughter to screen out good friends.
I don’t interfere with my child’s freedom to make friends, but discuss issues with him: What are friends? Is it hard to get a real friend? How can I help classmates who have no friends? Friends tell me to do bad things to each other, is what I refuse to be considered treason? Is there a specific way to help isolated classmates?”the mother shared.
Until now, the child has had friends like pictures and shadows, most importantly, his personality is much happier, encountering anything will confide in his parents in time. Family love is also very close.