Father Ngoc, mother Uyen and Honey are still reunited on special occasions – Photo NVCC
This is the story of Mr. Pham Tuan Ngoc (photo artist, founder of Noirfoto Darkroom-Studio) and Ms. Bui Ha Uyen (co-author of 2 books Letting children get sick and Letting children get injections), and honey. whose real name is Han Yen) brings many special perspectives on family and parenting.
When Honey was 7 years old, Ngoc’s father and Uyen’s mother officially no longer lived in the same house. The decision to break up has been made before, but the termination of the husband and wife relationship of the parents does not mean the end of a family, especially with Honey’s special “unschooling” journey.
No longer a husband and wife, always a parent
* What helps you to keep your friendship after divorce and still create the best family environment for your children?
– Ms. Uyen: The first thing to be able to be friends with your child’s father after a divorce is not to break up because of anger or to satisfy your pride, but only when you both understand the relationship. This should end.
What is family? To me, family is having a father, mother, and children, and each member does his/her role well. We have not lived together for 3 years, but we always share the responsibility of being a father and mother to our children. In the morning, Honey goes to my father, in the evening I stay with my mother, I still have my parents by my side whenever I need it.
– Mr. Ngoc: This requires me to clearly distinguish two relationships: between husband and wife and between parents and children. My and Uyen’s breakup only ended the husband and wife relationship, but did not affect the relationship between being the same parent of Honey and raising children together.
* How did you guys keep Honey from being shocked and able to accept that her parents were no longer living together?
– Sister Uyen: I teach my children what is the love of two strangers, what is the love of people of the same bloodline. Honey understands that a parent’s relationship can change, but that between a child and a parent does not, so she is not shocked or heartbroken.
I also teach my children how to live independently and respect the decisions of others. Honey once had a “classic” sentence: “I don’t want my parents to break up, but when my parents choose, I will accept it!”.
– Anh Ngoc: Of course, I was sad when my parents just broke up, but me and Uyen helped me gradually adapt to the absence of my father or mother slowly, a little bit every day, not one of them. suddenly disappeared. The most important thing is that children understand that they are not abandoned and are always full of love from both parents.
Honey is especially fond of books, loves to read historical and folk stories – Photo: NVCC
When you’re happy, making progress every day, knowing that you’re fine
* Why did you decide to let Honey go in the “unshooling” direction?
– Ms. Uyen: Honey is a girl who is respected in all matters from a young age. When I was in preschool, I had a problem with my teacher and didn’t want to continue going to school. That’s when we decided to take responsibility for the care and education of our children.
– Anh Ngoc: From the beginning, Uyen and I were both aware that any education method has its pros and cons, we just chose the way that best suits the family. Honey’s father and mother both work freelance, can arrange time at home with their children, take them to study subjects they like…
Both are open and ready to change according to the child’s development, not because they find it strange or like different people but stick to one plan. But for now, Honey is fine, so let me continue.
* How do you know your child is still developing well?
– Anh Ngoc: For me, education is not about comparing with others, each child has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. I know he’s fine because Honey can communicate well in English, loves books and reads thick books, likes to learn martial arts, learn to draw, learn piano, swim…
Looking at my child’s daily life, I know if he is happy, the knowledge he collects every day has improved.
– Ms. Uyen: We spend time with our children, find people who are good at teaching us things we don’t know, create all conditions for our children to learn what they like, and I still have a lot of friends. Growing up with your child is a process that requires constant learning and reflection.
The term “unschooling” was coined by educator John Holt in the 1970s. Accordingly, adults can help children learn not by deciding what to let their children learn or looking for available educational methods, but by exposing your child to as much of the world as possible, paying attention to what they do, answering their questions, and helping them discover what interests them most.
Honey is 10 years old this year, she chooses the subjects she wants to study, makes her own schedule and manages herself.