Many people probably don’t notice, but this life is a loop in which, at each stage, we have to play a certain “role”, when we were young we were children, then we became adults, then become a parent.
For many parents, getting their children to listen voluntarily is an extremely difficult challenge. In fact, this is also an important task in their life.
Listening is very important for children
The ability to listen plays an extremely important role in the early development of each child, helping them learn how to absorb information and keep themselves safe. In addition, this ability also helps them build relationships and achieve success in their careers later on.
However, we often feel like children can’t, or don’t want to listen to adults, and this leads to arguments, anger, and distance between parents and children. .
If you are also struggling because you don’t know how to get your child to listen to you, you can refer to the suggestions of parenting expert from the UK, Camilla Miller – author of the parenting model. Language of Listening. According to expert Miller, there are three ways to help parents and children remove conflicts, help children know how to navigate and reach their goals.
“You get what you want and so do the kids. It’s a win-win,” said Miller, founder of parenting website https://keepingyourcoolparenting.com/. CNBC.
According to Miller, there are three steps parents can take to help their children become good listeners.
1. Say what you see
The first step in Listening Language is simple: Say what you see. Instead of imposing your views and judgment on your child’s behavior, say what you are seeing.
For example, maybe you see your child is not willing to share, and you want the opposite, but in their eyes, they are just busy playing. Say as much as you can: “I’m busy playing with that toy.”
Likewise, in another situation, you think they’re having an “attitude,” when in fact they feel frustrated. Say, “I’m feeling frustrated in this situation.”
“Your kids need to feel like they’re being heard before they listen to you. When kids feel like they’re not being heard, they’ll feel like you’re ignoring their needs and wants,” says the expert. Miller reminded.
This doesn’t mean you have to “give up” to your child’s demands. But it does give you the opportunity to stand in your child’s shoes and find the root cause of their behavior.
“Usually as parents we will always ask our children for this or that, but we don’t acknowledge our children’s wishes first. If we don’t care what they want, they don’t care what we want. what,” Miller emphasized.
2. Offer possible solutions
Once you understand and empathize with your child’s behavior, it will be easier to help them come to a solution.
If your child has behaviors you don’t like, help them shift their attention to something more positive.
For example, the kids are dancing on the sofa and you don’t like it. Acknowledge your child’s desire to dance and relax, but help her move to another space, like the floor or the yard.
Likewise, if your child is asking for a new toy and their birthday just passed. Think of some ways to help them buy the item for themselves, like making money for themselves.
“It’s about seeing the need behind that behavior and helping them meet that need in a way that’s acceptable to you,” says Miller.
3. End with your strengths
When the situation has reached a climax and a compromise has been reached between you and your child, end the discussion by emphasizing a strength your child has just demonstrated.
You should also avoid being the center of a statement, like “I’m glad you did it”. Instead, emphasize your child, for example, “You’re a problem solver. I’ve found a solution.”
Just like that, they will realize that they played an active role in the situation, that they are capable of making decisions, and this is likely to be repeated in the future.
“By listening to your child’s thoughts, you help her reinforce positive actions and build her self-esteem,” concludes Miller.
Of course, to make the process of children listening to their parents easier, there is another thing that parents should do, which is to change the way they react.
Change the way you react
While the “Language Listening” model was established primarily for young children, it can also be applied to other age groups and situations, including adolescents, peers or relationships. love.
For example, in cases where your child is a minor, when you say what you see can help them better understand themselves, when they may be behaving in an unusual way, it also opens up dialogue channel with you.
“Typically, the reason a person likes to scream or get angry is because they need to be shown strength and we need to respect that need,” concludes Miller.
That is why if you often have negative reactions, now is the time to change the way you react.
Really listening and understanding the thoughts of others can also help you become more thoughtful.
“Actually it also helps you understand more about your behavior. The fastest way to change your response is to change the way we see things and events,” expert Miller advises.