Many people have the opinion that women who understand what it is, have to take care of and shoulder it – Photo: QUANG DINH
“I need a wife who understands, don’t bother me with anything” – he grumbled at me and slammed the door, walked out, leaving me in tears in the middle of the sick, crying, piled up. messy toys, full sink full of water…
Do not share separate
After a year of being matched by friends, finding out, Ms. NT (32 years old, HCMC) got married, her husband is 5 years younger, an information technology person in a large company.
Ms. T. works as an accountant in a small private company, her monthly salary is only half of her husband’s salary. From the day of the wedding, her husband announced that he would give his wife half a month’s salary every month, and the wife also needed to contribute her salary to pay for family expenses.
Three years have passed, her daughter has entered the kindergarten, Ms. T. has just worked in the office, working overtime and repairing clothes to earn extra income. Even so, when coming home, everything in the house outside the door, sick children, studying, cooking, washing dishes… whatever she has to do.
Late at night, the house was quiet and clean, she was lying in bed, her husband was glued to the screen of his phone playing games, no one said a word.
“Many times, my husband said he loved me because I was a person who understood, knew stories, did not coddle, ask for and demand books like the girls he used to know, and believed that I would be a good wife. , knowing that eating today will take care of tomorrow, the family will be peaceful. But now you say why my personality changes so quickly, leading to constant quarrels,” said Ms. T.
HP’s situation is even more difficult. Ms. HP (30 years old, Hanoi) got married and gave birth to two little princesses. Originating from the people in the provinces, they came to Hanoi to live and work, so when they got married, both husband and wife worked together to take care of the family.
Many times, Ms. HP and her husband shouted at each other because of the division of daily work. “Once, most recently, when my grandmother returned to her hometown and couldn’t take care of her grandchildren, my husband and I had a big argument just because I cooked rice and took care of the children while he was busy doing useless things.
After many quarrels like that, I learned from experience, the more women put everything into their bodies, the more tired they become.
For example, when my children are sick, I ask my husband to go buy medicine and fever-reducing patches, but he says he doesn’t know which type, must specify. Sometimes the things I know well, I can do it, but I also ignore it so that my husband can help me,” said Ms. P.
Ms. P. said that for her situation to keep a happy family when both husband and wife work equally, it is necessary to share and compensate for each other. When the wife is busy with the daily chores, the husband does it and vice versa.
The clear division of work and time setting sometimes creates pressure on both sides. We share, not split.
Throwing away all the work is torment myself!
Psychologist, Master Le Thi Minh Hoa said that the common mentality of many women is that the more they understand the situation, the more burdened they are, taking everything into their own hands.
Moreover, when they know too much, many women are in a state of doubt, lack of trust, do not want anyone to share the work because they always want to be in control of everything, just as they want. that hurts women.
When living in a family, always thinking that they are right, everyone is not satisfied with everything, leading to friction between husband and wife. Understanding the story but associated with empathy, sharing, finding a voice, and being able to reconcile with her husband and family members is really understanding.
“Just a small thing in the family, because of too much worry, too much understanding, if the husband and children do it, the wife will be uncomfortable, embracing everything in herself, leading to frustration and discomfort, which only makes it worse. .
As in the case of children with their own rooms, women only need to support their children, and the arrangement is according to their wishes and children are responsible for their own room, not just because the child’s design is not beautiful, not in accordance with their wishes. I then started to rearrange from the beginning,” said Master Minh Hoa.
According to Master Minh Hoa, in family work, women should not embrace everything, must know how to share with family members, old age work big, small age work small. If someone has not done to their liking, do not rush to get angry, but slowly solve everything will be in order.
Children’s education plays an important role
“Currently, young people in Vietnam work hard in the kitchen, so the division of kitchen work is easier, but for the older class (over 40 years old) many families, the division of work between husband and wife is still difficult. difficult and less shared.
Many men still keep the patriarchal habits, the housework is still the woman.
In order to change this, educating our children plays a very important role, from now on we can teach them how to cook, share chores… so they can be happy.” Master Minh Hoa analysis.